


MY LOVE IS STANDING NEXT TO YOU

by Sickpuppyinexile



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alcohol, Alex loves Miles but he keeps denying it, Kisses, M/M, Miles loves Alex since forever, Misunderstanding, Saddness, lovemaking, the guys are such insicure rock stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-22 16:04:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9615287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sickpuppyinexile/pseuds/Sickpuppyinexile
Summary: Alex and Miles has always been more than friends but Alex always did his best to keep his feelings under control until one night Miles decided to challenge Alex’s willpower…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first chaptered fanfic; the story is already completed, I just need few more days to edit the other chapters so updates will be fast.  
> Sorry for my English, I hope you can enjoy the story anyway ;-)

It was the last day on tour before a four weeks break. Miles and Alex had enjoyed the past two months around Europe and now they were in Japan for a gig in Tokyo. After this gig, there would be a pause for one month before continuing the tour in the USA and attending to summer Festivals in Europe again. 

They had enjoyed the past months a lot, the affection they had shown out and on stage had progressively grown and Miles was happy that Alex felt quite at easy now with touches and innocent kisses on cheeks or forehead in front of hundreds of people. The gig they had finished few minutes ago had been one of the most wild they had ever played and Miles was visibly excited for all the touching and the way Alex had looked -or better- had eyed him up all evening. They had almost kissed at some point, Alex retreating at the very last second visibly embarrassed, but nonetheless, they had sang the last song with their lips brushing against each other all the fucking time.

 

“You had to let me do it, Alex”

“Well, I don’t think it would be a good idea”

“Why not?” Miles said still visibly excited by the two hours spent teasing each other on the stage.

“Well, it’s still a music gig, Miles. I mean, people come for the music first…”

“You heard them asking for a kiss, Alex”

Alex smiled a little embarrassed and Miles searched for his eyes, a lustful grin illuminating his face.

Alex felt hypnotized by Miles’ stare and grin and Miles noticed it. The younger man decided they had gone too far tonight and he felt like he couldn’t control himself the way he was constantly doing since he had met Alex twelve years ago. Tonight Miles had the feeling that Alex wanted to taste his lips again, as happened in France when they were young and he was ready to give him what he wanted. 

Miles licked his lips and approached Alex slowly. The older man had his eyes fixed on Miles’ lips now and Miles decided that there was no turning back. Alex began stepping backward as Miles approached him and both men stopped walking as soon as Alex’s shoulders touched the wall behind him. Miles placed both his hands against the wall so Alex’s head was exactly in the middle and he gave him another lustful look before placing his lips on his friend’s ones. Miles kept his lips on Alex for some seconds without doing anything else and Alex didn’t shove him away until they heard footsteps approaching and Miles decided it was better to break the innocent kiss. Loren entered the room and informed them that they had just twenty minutes to get ready before going to go the party so Alex and Miles showered, got dressed and left the venue with the other members of the band, not mentioning the chaste kiss they have shared minutes before. 

 

The club was one of the most exclusive in Tokyo; it wasn’t very big but the furniture was magnificent, the music great and the cocktails incredible and after a couple of drinks, Miles took Alex’s hand and dragged him on the dance floor. They both began dancing, or at least tried to do something that could have been called _dancing_. Miles was feeling high with euphoria for what had happened and was regularly searching for eye contact with Alex, his hands constantly landing on the other’s waist, shoulders, and neck. 

Alex was enjoying the funny dancing but he had to admit he felt a bit scared by the sparkle he could see in Miles’ eyes. He was used to Miles watching at him; he was also used to Miles staring at him with dreamy eyes but this time there was an intensity he had never seen before. He could feel Miles’ eyes eating him up, almost devouring him. There was hunger, lust, desire and Alex felt a strange warmth spreading gradually in every part of his body. At some point, Miles’ hand had caught him by the neck forcing their forehead together, his puppy brown eyes looking at him as if he wanted to kiss him senseless. 

Alex felt a shiver running through his spine as Miles placed a kiss on his forehead before letting him go with a huge grin on his face. They kept drinking and dancing; Miles’ body was constantly brushing against Alex’s one and at some point, not bothering about the people around them, Miles hugged Alex from behind, swaying their hips together and Alex couldn’t help but feel Miles’ boner pressing insistently against his ass. 

_Oh, fuck._

Alex felt another shiver running through him and began to feel a bit confused about what it was happening to his body. Miles’s groping and stroking were pretty arousing and he feared he could get an embarrassing boner any moment. Luckily, at some point, Miles let him go and began to dance in front of him but the grin was still on his lips and the heated look still in his eyes. 

“Wanna drink something else?” Miles asked and Alex nodded so they left the heated dancefloor and walked toward the bar. 

 

While the car drove them to the hotel, Miles was a bit pensive. He retraced all the things happened during the past five hours and he decided he would not go to bed without Alex tonight because the man had to admit, once and for all, his feeling for him. Anticipation thrummed throughout his body as he envisioned Alex laying in bed on his back, wriggling and moaning beneath him but he did his best to behave, listening to his friend’s babbling and answering to his persistent questions. It was as if Alex was trying to keep himself calm talking nonsense and do not think about what happened at the club and at the same time keep Miles busy answering to his awkward questions so the man’s mind would be distracted from thinking about the kiss or the hot dancing. He was still questioning Miles when they arrived in front of Alex’s room and Miles said what he usually said when they slept in the hotel instead of the bus. 

“Do you mind if I stay for a while?” Miles asked innocently and Alex couldn’t help but shrug letting him inside, even if he felt that things were a bit different tonight. Usually they stayed in Alex’s hotel room drinking on the sofa, talking and laughing until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore and Miles left but Alex knew that something different would probably happen. Honestly, he was still scared to let anything happen between them but tonight, he felt a bit brave and decided he could think to give it a try. Alex didn’t know exactly what was happening to him; did his body need someone’s touch? Did his body need Miles’ touch? Did his heart and body need Miles’ ones? Alex’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Miles’ voice. 

“Wait a moment, I go to my room and take what there is in the mini bar,” Miles said, rushing to the next door. He returned to Alex’s bedroom few minutes later with 6 little bottles, a can of peanuts and something else well hidden in the pocket of his jacket.

Miles put the stuff he was holding in his hands on the little table near to the door and turned quickly toward Alex. He trapped him again as he had done in the dressing room and as soon as Alex met Miles’ look, he felt his pulse quickening.

Miles approached Alex’s mouth and kissed him; this time his lips parted and he let his tongue brush against Alex’s mouth. Alex felt dizzy and light-headed and without almost realizing, he parted his lips letting their tongues touch. Miles kissed him gently for some time but feeling Alex a bit confused, reluctantly he decided to part and check the situation.

“It’s so good to kiss you again, babe” Miles said as his thumb caressed the other’s cheek and Alex felt his knees going weak. The man was in a daze; the kiss had been surprisingly good or at least better than the one he remembered. For sure, this time he had savored it instead of thinking how wrong was having your best friend’s tongue in your mouth but the thought had flashed into his mind for a brief moment also now. 

“Miles” he said almost in a whisper and refused to look at Miles in the eyes as he tried to make the right decision. Alex knew he would not able to resist another attack and needed to give the thing a second thought so he gathered all his strength and courage and made a feeble attempt to stop him.

“Miles, I think that maybe we have gone too far”

“I just kissed you, Al. And I am sure you liked it” Miles said pressing his body against Alex making him moan silently.

“I…I…don’t know” Alex stuttered and Miles decided it was now or never.

“Let me help you to decide, then” Miles said and his lips attacked Alex’s ones once again, hard and demanding this time. Alex had been able to make his dick hard for twelve years now and Miles had to fight against the desire to take Alex against a wall dozens of times during this tour. It was an unpleasant admission but tonight he needed to push things a bit to make Alex come to his senses, hoping that his longtime friend would accept the reality of the facts because Miles wasn’t sure he was ready to hear a no for answer. Alex had constantly teased him during the whole tour not to mention his affectionate words and touches during the past twelve years. Miles had always controlled his instincts until now but he felt like it was not able to do it tonight. Obviously, he would stop the moment Alex would tell him _seriously_ to stop but he needed Alex be honest with himself and admit he wanted him. 

Alex was enjoying the way Miles was kissing him more than he felt he should. No woman had obviously ever kissed him like that and he couldn’t help but think that all the relationships he had believed in, never had a happy ending so maybe….maybe it was time to give Miles a chance… _no, Alex, you can’t seriously think about that…_. 

Miles’ lips left Alex’s ones and moved down to the neck. He began to suck and bite and it didn’t take long before Alex began to moan. Miles’ fingers unbuttoned Alex’s shirt and now they were teasing his nipples as his mouth continued to kiss and bite his neck. Miles placed his thigh between Alex’s legs and pressed it against his groin noticing that Alex was already getting hard and that for Miles was the final proof that Alex wanted him. “Miles” Alex whined and both his hands moved up to catch Miles’ face and bring their mouth together, the gesture not leaving anymore doubts that Alex was appreciating what he was doing. Miles smiled and broke the kiss looking down at Alex, the man looking back at Miles trying his best not to blush under such close scrutiny.

“You want me, Alex, don’t you?”

“I…I don’t know…I…” 

Miles had listened to the words but he decided that _I don’t know just_ meant that Alex wanted him to go on but felt better pretending he was unsure of what it was happening. Alex’s lips parted as if he was going to add something else, instead, Alex found himself to stare at Miles’ lips and closed his eyes. Miles took the hint or at least interpreted it as if Alex was waiting to be kissed again so he slowly approached Alex’s face until their nose touched. Alex was breathing heavily; his lips were still parted and his eyes were still closed. Miles decided do not kiss him, instead, he shifted his mouth toward Alex’s ear.

“What do you really want me to do, Alex?” Miles asked in a low voice making Alex’s body shivering; he wasn’t able to reply at the question and so he moved his head until he met Miles’ lips and when he found them, he kissed Miles.

Miles smiled into the kiss. Alex didn’t have the gut to ask him to be kissed but it didn’t mind, his gesture was enough for him. He pressed his body against Alex’s one and couldn’t help but notice that Alex was full hard now. He pressed his thigh against Alex, who was audibly moaning and rocking his hips forward to meet his movements and get more friction as possible and Miles was happier than ever.

Miles bit down softly at the sensitive spot on Alex’s neck he had discovered before, holding himself from leaving a mark. He felt Alex’s hand sneaking under his shirt and Miles realized that Alex would not stop him from going further so he began to undress Alex leaving him just in his boxer and gave him another look just to be sure he was okay. Alex mirrored Miles’ gestures and when Miles was only wearing his boxer briefs, they shared a hungry look. 

“I love you, Alex” Miles said for the **first** time that night and Alex didn’t say anything, just kissed him back immediately as if he wanted to shut him up. They both moved toward the bed, Miles falling on the top of Alex. He placed featherlike kisses on Alex’s torso and circled his tongue around one of his nipple before closing his mouth around it. He sucked it gently and Alex rolled his head back as Miles moved toward the other doing the same. He then went down to his navel placing a kiss on it before his tongue travelled back up to Alex’s chest. The gesture left a wet and warm feeling on Alex’s sensitive skin and the man felt goosebumps rise all over his body. When Miles went up back to his neck, Alex bucked his hips up searching for some friction, his cock still trapped under his tight boxer brief. Miles felt in seven heaven; he was lingering a bit, almost shocked that Alex hadn’t stopped him yet and it was hard to believe what he was doing to Alex and how much the man was enjoying it. Miles moved downward again and now tugged Alex’s boxer brief down removing his own a second later. Alex kept his eyes closed; his breath was labored, his cock already leaking pre come and he looked quite desperate for Miles to go on. 

A second later Alex felt Miles’ hand on his hips and then his warm breath on his groin and when Miles’ tongue licked a stripe on his cock, he couldn’t help but let out a strangled moan. Miles kept going on and he felt both Alex’s hands on his head slightly keeping Miles in that position, as if he was scared he could change idea and move away even if he had no intention to do it. Miles took Alex’s length in his mouth making the other moan louder if possible and Alex’s fingers were now threading Miles’ hair tugging it rather tightly. The grip was almost painful but not enough to make Miles stop the sweet torture; only when Alex started to push his hip upward trying to fuck Miles’ mouth, the younger man decided it was better to stop before Alex came. Miles had to fight Alex’s hands that wanted him to stay down between his legs but the man easily managed to move upward and reach his face.

“Alex” he said softly. 

Alex finally opened his eyes and met Miles’ gaze. Alex’s lips parted as to say something but no words came out; the tension was visible on his face and Miles knew what Alex was struggling to say so he made things easy for him.

“There's something better I want to do and there’s no need to be scared. I take care of everything, just relax now.” Miles said kissing Alex again. The kiss was surprisingly soft unlike the hungry ones they have shared before and Miles tried his best to make Alex feel comfortable.

“Are you in, babe?” Miles asked gently and Alex nodded.

A ripple of anticipation rippled up Miles’ spine. Alex looked like he was bracing himself for the end of the world and Miles decided it was better to be sure one more time before it was too late.

“Alex, if you’re not sure… it’s okay”

“I’m sure”

 

Miles left the bed just for the time he needed to take something form the pocket of his jacket. Alex closed his eyes trying to relax but he couldn’t do it as he heard Miles fumbling with something that sounded like a bottle cap opening. He looked at Miles pouring some lube on his slender fingers and Miles smiled sweetly at him, giving him a quick kiss on his lips before laying down next to him. His fingers moved down between Alex’s thighs and Alex instinctively opened his legs letting Miles penetrate him. Alex winced at the sensation and Miles moved his finger carefully, adding a second one only when Alex looked a bit more relaxed. He kept sliding his fingers in and out and then he curled them in the attempt to find the sweet spot that would make Alex feel some pleasure together with the discomfort.

“It’s me Alex,” Miles said and Alex let out a deep breath trying his best to relax. It was then that Miles’ long fingers found his prostate and Alex, finally, let out a cry of pleasure.

“Miles, fuck”

Miles repeated the movement and Alex cursed and moaned again at the same time.

“Again Mi, please” Alex said and Miles noticed that now Alex was moving against his fingers so he decided he could cautiously try to add a third.

Miles kept stretching Alex for a while and when he looked ready, he took his fingers out leaving Alex asking why he had done it. Miles felt a fluttering sensation of anticipation thinking at the moment he would be inside of him; he still couldn’t believe it was finally happening, that his fantasies were finally turning into reality. 

Alex felt the noise of Miles ripping something and his eyes opened looking at Miles wearing a condom. He gasped at the thought of being filled by Miles but he couldn’t wait for it. Miles spread Alex’s thighs and positioned himself; Alex closed his eyes and told himself to relax but he tensed as soon as he felt Miles’ length against him demanding entrance. Miles pushed the tip inside and then slid in slowly stopping midway, letting Alex to adjust to the feeling. 

“I love you Alex,” he murmured for the **second** time that night and he kissed Alex trying to distract him from the pain he was certainly feeling now.

When he felt Alex a bit relaxed, he pushed himself in again until he bottomed out; the feeling of Alex so hot and tight around him was driving him crazy but he wanted the moment to be something special, especially for Alex, so he fought the urge to move and stood still waiting for Alex’s features to relax and give him the hint to move. 

“You’re doing so good, baby” Miles said brushing Alex’ hair away from his eyes and he kissed the sensitive spot on Alex’s neck and they locked eyes for a brief moment before Alex closed them again. Alex knew that Miles was struggling to stay still and he knew that all he wanted to do right now was to thrust mercilessly inside of him after twelve years of waiting. He felt almost tearful at the thought that Miles was being so caring and sweet with him, doing his best to make the whole experience wonderful and the though made him relax. Miles felt it but, nonetheless, he waited for Alex before deciding to make any move. His heart was racing really fast and he was still incredulous about what was going on. In his own fantasies, he had fucked Alex thousands of times, almost sure that his imagination would never meet the reality but no, he was inside of Alex right now and everything was more than perfect.

“I am okay,” Alex whispered at some point and Miles kissed him as he slowly began to move. He found a pace that seemed to be good and then changed slightly his angle trying to hit the right spot. Alex was now panting and moaning louder and Miles was happy to see that the pleasure was progressively taking place of the pain.  
Miles kept thrusting looking down at Alex who had his mouth partially open but his eyes full closed. He would have wanted to stare into his eyes, reading what was going through his mind, telling him how much he was happy but he guessed that Alex was more at easy like that for the moment. He could feel how relaxed he was now and given the way he was moving his hips meeting his movement and making him slid into him further, he probably didn’t feel any discomfort anymore.

“Touch me,” Alex asked in a whisper and Miles did it, stroking his cock while thrusting inside of him, his eyes glued on Alex’s raptured face.

“Fuck! Oh Fuck! Miles…fuck!” Alex moaned and it didn’t take too much before he cum into Miles’s hand and onto his own chest.

“I love you Alex,” Miles said for the **third** time that night, giving a few more thrusts before coming too.

Miles collapsed on Alex’s body and as soon as he caught his breath and was able to speak, he whispered _I love you Alex_ for the **fourth** time that night. He stood immobile on top of Alex for a long moment, expecting Alex saying he loved him too but Alex was just lying there, breathing heavily, his eyes closed and Miles waited for another long moment before pulling out slowly. Alex murmured another fuck and then run his hands through his hair. Miles got up and went to the bathroom and after removing the condom and cleaning himself, he walked back to the bed with a wet cloth to clean up Alex. He kneeled beside him, taking in the beautiful view in front of him and he sighed silently as he sadly realized that he had had Alex’s body but he would never have Alex’s heart.

“Thanks” Alex murmured but the man didn’t open his eyes to search for Miles’ ones nor he said a word after that.

Miles laid back on the mattress feeling the sadness enveloping his heart, his mind and his body. Alex rolled on his side resting his head on Miles’ chest and Miles’ left arm hugged him automatically. Miles felt suddenly overwhelmed by sadness and he tried his best to fight the tears that were threatening to come out from his eyes. The silence that settled in the room was rather awkward and was soon interrupted by Alex’s soft snore.  
Miles’ thoughts were a mix of opposite emotions. He found Alex’s sweet snore so lovely that made him love the man even more, if possible, but he also found Alex’s lack of words and eye contact so painful that made his heart ache in a way he couldn’t think it was possible. Alex, the poet, the man who had thousands of different ways to say the simplest things had not been able to say anything. He had hoped to hear a simple _I love you_ or a complicated metaphor but nothing had come out of his mouth. Probably there was no love for him in his heart and so his mind had nothing to elaborate and his mouth nothing to speak. Despite the harsh truth Miles had just smashed into, he was not angry with Alex; he just felt a bit stupid. He had fantasized for years about the possibility that Alex would suddenly understand that they were made for each other; he had envisioned for years Alex telling him he was in love with him and now it was hard to realize that nothing more than sex had happened. He felt like a fan girl that had made eye contact during a gig and thought that she had made him fall in love helplessly. Truth was that even if Alex looked like he had enjoyed the new experience, it had been just a _new experience_ and for sure, his best friend was not going to change his mind about the type of relationship they had.

Miles took a deep breath and wiped away a wayward tear that was running down on his cheek. He breathed deeply for a while and when he got a grip on himself, he decided he had to try his best to forget this night as soon as possible, trying to behave as if nothing had ever happened so, at least, they could still be best friends for the rest of their lives.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning after Alex woke in an empty bed. He clearly remembered he had fallen asleep on Miles’chest; he also remembered the amazing feeling of his naked body pressed against the other’s one and Miles’ arm holding him sweetly and safely. He had fallen asleep sure he would wake up in the same way but, instead, he was lying in his bed all alone. He turned on his side and looked toward the bathroom but the door was open so Miles couldn’t be inside. He almost panicked at the idea that Miles had sneaked out of the room in the middle of the night but then he relaxed as he thought about the possibility that Miles was outside on the balcony, smoking. There were times he had a cigarette as soon as he woke up in the morning so Alex smiled and relaxed, waiting for Miles coming back into bed and snuggling up to him. Five minutes later Alex become nervous; Miles, obviously, was not smoking on the balcony and Alex noticed that his clothes were not laying on the floor anymore. Alex’s mind began to race chaotically trying to find any possible justification to the fact he had left without saying a word and he told himself that for sure there was a good one.

Was Miles embarrassed for what had happened? No, nothing ever embarrassed Miles Kane. Miles regretted what he had done to him? No, he was the one constantly teasing him on stage and he was the one who had started the kissing, the groping, the touching and he decided it was finally time to fuck. So why in the hell the man was not here after what had happened between them? Alex couldn’t help but remember to himself that Miles was not the most romantic man on planet earth, constantly jumping from a relationship to another, never falling in love with anyone and getting bored easily by people. But he was not some people; Miles had always been caring and gentle with him and during all these years he never hid the fact he loved him more than a friend so there must be a good reason if he had not woken up into his embrace. Alex took his phone and decided to call him and as soon as he unlocked the screen, he noticed a text from Miles.

“I woke up early. I’m downstairs at the gym.x”

Alex laughed nervously. What the fuck was happening to him? He had freaked out acting like a fan girl that had been so lucky to have a one-night stand with Miles Kane and now was already thinking about moving with him, get married and have babies. Alex laughed at the image of them buying a house, swear each other eternal love and waking up in the middle of the night to feed a crying toddler but he felt the laugh slowly fading away and some kind of fear taking over his mind. _Alex, you are best friends. You were horny and tipsy and you slept together. Why Miles should think that it was something more than a one-night stand?_

Alex stared at the ceiling for a while trying to understand the turmoil inside of him. Did he love Miles not simply as a friend? Was he in love with Miles? Did he want to share every single day of his existence with him? Alex run his hands through his hair and searched for an answer. Honestly, he always felt strongly attracted to Miles since the first time they met. He was his best friend and probably something more than a friend but he never thought they could be into a romantic relationship but now…after yesterday things seemed different. To be honest, things didn’t _seem_ different, things _were_ different. He let him kiss him, touch him, and above all, make love to him. He had enjoyed everything it had happened even if at the beginning he was not completely sure about it and he couldn’t deny that he wanted to do every single thing again. Yes, Miles was something more than a friend and yes he was probably in love with him.

Ten minutes later, another message from Miles arrived.

“I’m having a shower. Meet downstairs for breakfast? x”

Alex’s smile vanished as soon as he realized that Miles went back into his room and wanted to meet him only to have breakfast together. Obviously Miles needed a shower after the gym and needed to wear fresh clothes after that and all his stuff was in his own room so there was nothing wrong if he had decided to have a shower there, where his suitcase with clothes was… _don’t lie to yourself, Alex! Miles could come back here, have a shower, jump into bed again, cuddle with you, calling room service, having breakfast with you in bed and get out of your room wearing your bathrobe as his room is few steps away from yours…_ Alex closed his eyes and cursed aloud saying to himself he was an idiot because it was useless trying to justify Miles; he obviously didn’t care about his feelings. 

Alex decided to take a shower before answering the message so he could write a proper reply without saying anything stupid and as soon as he got up, he realized that his body hurt a bit and was slightly limping. He let the warm shower relaxing his muscles a bit and when he was done, he took the phone to answer to Miles’ message.

“Breakfast is better in my room. I am limping”

 

Miles knocked at the door twenty minutes later. He was wearing his tight white jeans with the animalier print green shirt and his usual brilliant smile.

“I hope you remembered the scrambled eggs,” he said after greeting Alex with a peck on the cheek and a light hug as usual.

“Of course I remembered”

“Are you okay? You wrote you...”

“I’m feeling better after the shower but I didn’t want someone notice it… you know…”

“Good. And don’t worry, I am sure everything will be okay before we board tonight”

Alex was a bit astonished by Miles’ words. He had said them as if his stiffness was due to a football match or any other physical activity instead of their lovemaking and his stupid mind was so lost thinking about a way to have another chance to sleep with Miles tonight that he had completely forgot that they were supposed to be on a flight back to England before dinnertime.

“I was thinking…why don’t we stay here for another week and visit the country? I am really attracted by Japan and Japanese…I think it'd be great Miles, what do you think?”

“Well I promised my mom to be at home for her birthday and stay with her for a full week so I am sorry mate but I have to go back.”

“Yes, sorry I forgot it. Maybe the next time, then” Alex said trying his best to hide the disappointment on his face. Luckily, someone knocked at the door and Alex felt relieved because he felt there was an unpleasant embarrassment that none of them seemed to know how to handle. 

 

Miles was enjoying the big breakfast shamelessly while Alex was not able to eat anything. It was his second cup of tea and all he could do was staring at Miles, asking himself how he could put all that food in his body and be so skinny. Oh yes, the bloody boxing and the gym. 

“You look rather hungry, mate” Alex said eager to break the awful silence between them.

“Yes I am. We didn’t eat anything after the gig and well, I spent lot of energy yesterday on stage and also this morning at the gym...they have a very good equipment downstairs and I found myself using every single piece of it” he said without stopping eating.

“I was surprised you went to the gym also this morning”

“Um, I woke up very early and you were sound asleep and you didn’t show any sign of waking up soon. I was wide awake and at some point I decided that it was better to get up, you know” Miles said before stuffing another slice of bread with some ham into his mouth.

Alex looked at the man in front of him a bit baffled because he was behaving as nothing had happened, making him feel even more confused. He kept staring at Miles until the man finished to literally eat everything it was on the table, crumbles included. The man let out a satisfied sigh and when he looked up from his plate to outstretch his hands above his head, he locked eye with Alex for a brief moment. They exchanged a little smile and immediately after, Miles took his phone in his hands to check something.

“We have five/six hours before the driver comes to pick us up” Miles said and the first thing that Alex thought was _good, now he’s going to say that we have time to go back into bed, cuddling and making out_.

“There is a very interesting and cool museum not far away from here” Miles went on, his eyes still glued to the screen searching for something to do to fill the rest of the day.

“I am a bit tired and I do not feel like walking around”

“Okay then, maybe we can go downstairs and have a massage; then we pack, go out for lunch and ask for a nice place to buy something to bring back home”

“Yes, it sounds good to me” Alex said trying his best to sound happy. _Great_ , _you really want the same things_.

Miles got up from the chair and picked up the phone on the nightstand to call the reception, booking two massages and something else Alex didn’t understand. Alex couldn’t help but notice that Miles was acting as usual, affectionate and totally at easy with him while he, during breakfast, had blushed one time, felt shivers running through his body three times and thought about Miles’ lips on him at least ten times. 

 

They had their massage together in the same room. They were lying on their stomachs looking at each other, Miles’ head lying on his left cheek and Alex’s one resting on his right cheek. They had a little talk and then they fell silent, staring at each other, smiling and giggling from time to time. At some point Alex outstretched his arm to reach Miles and the man, unwillingly, mirrored his gesture. Their hands touched, their fingers interlaced and Miles’ expression changed a little; he was still smiling but Alex noticed it was not the same bright happy smile as before. He didn’t know what Miles was hiding behind it and he didn’t have enough time to study it as Miles retreated the hand and turned his head, placing it into the hole in the massage bed, staring down at the floor. Alex kept his head turned to look at Miles for another couple of minutes, dozens of thoughts clouding his mind. Miles’ mood had changed completely and he couldn’t understand what the hell was happening and why he felt Miles so distant after last night.

Miles was forcing his mind to think at the most disparate things; his favourite wrestling match, rearrange the sitting room buying a new couch, calling his mother to tell her if she wanted a kimono, planning to meet all his friends in Liverpool and everything that didn’t make him think to Alex. He couldn’t risk to get his eyes teary and let tears falling down on the ground making a fool of himself in front of everybody in the room.

 

Miles’ good mood came back as soon they were at the restaurant. Zach and another couple of people joined them and Miles was, as usual, the most brilliant, talkative and smiling person. After lunch, they had a little stroll outside and they stopped a couple of times to buy some stuff before they all went back to the hotel. They finished packing and met at the bar for a drink while waiting to go to the airport, Miles-the-entertainer playing his part in the most brilliant way possible.

 

On the plane, Miles and Alex were sitting next to each other, as usual, Alex next to the window. Miles took Alex’s hand in his during the take off as Alex was always very nervous and when the plane was finally flying horizontally, Miles let it go and began to search for a movie to watch so he could distract himself during the long flight. As Miles didn’t seem in the mood to talk, Alex took his iPod and searched for Miles’ songs. Ten minutes later, he decided to feign to fall asleep and boldly, he let his head slowly rest on Miles’ shoulder, waiting for something to happen. 

Thirty minutes later Miles was not looking at the movie anymore but at Alex sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. He cursed himself for the mess he had made the night before because he knew he didn’t have to do it. He had restrained himself for twelve years and he should have done that again because even if Alex looked like he had enjoyed it, he was sure that his friend had considered it just a one-night stand. Alex hadn’t tell him he loved him, had kept his eyes close for the whole time and didn’t say a word about what had happened yesterday. It should not be something surprising because deep down, Miles knew that there would never be an happily ever after but nonetheless, it was something hard to deal with.

Alex slept during the whole flight even if for the first two hours, he had only pretended to sleep. Miles had tried to keep himself busy watching movies but his mind was constantly recalling the events of the previous night. It had been so good kissing Alex and making love to him and Miles realized it would be more complicated that he had imagined keeping the memories of that night away from him.

 

The landed in Manchester and after collecting their luggage, it was time to separate; a car would bring Miles to Liverpool and another Alex to Sheffield.

“So mate, enjoy this week with your family,” Miles said hugging Alex, closing his eyes as he inhaled his scent without the other noticing it.

“You too, I am gonna call your mom for her birthday” Alex said putting a fake smile on his sleepy face.

“Yes, she’ll be happy to hear you”

“Okay, let’s keep in touch. Write me when you arrive home,” 

“Send me a message too”

Alex began to cry as soon as he sat in the car, Miles fought the urge to do it for thirty seconds and then let himself go.


	3. Chapter 3

Miles was relieved to be in Liverpool again. Being with his mom and his old friends had made things easier. He kept himself so busy that he didn’t have the time to think about Alex during the day, being so tired at night that he fell asleep almost immediately. He texted Alex every morning as he couldn’t avoid him at all but, at least, texts were less painful because he could avoid hearing Alex’s voice or seeing his face.  
Alex had spent the past four days feeling miserable, hunger and sleep avoiding him, making his parents look at him with a bit of concern. He had told them he was just tired but his mother didn’t buy it at all given the fact he was avoiding to talk about Miles and the tour.  


Alex took a shower and fixed his hair trying to look at his best but he couldn’t do anything to avoid showing dark circles under his eyes. He looked at himself in the mirror and took a deep breath before putting on brave face and a fake smile. He decided to call Miles by FaceTime so he could wish Pauline a happy birthday properly and, most of all, see his friend because despite what was going on –and he still didn’t know what was going on - he missed his smile, his stupid jokes, his voice, his face and dozens of other things.  
Pauline had told him she was very surprised that he hadn’t come to visit her at least for her birthday and Alex couldn’t help but overthink about it. Miles had deliberately avoided to invite him and he felt anger rise when Pauline complained about his son being barely at home; it looked like the bastard was enjoying his days with his friends as nothing had happened, having the time of his life instead of spending the week with his mother before leave her again. Alex felt like closing the call as soon as he finished talking with Pauline but he didn’t want Miles to think that he was angry or had some kind of trouble so he put his best fake smile on his face and talked to him. They both tried their best to look relaxed even if they were desperately crying internally; they just replied with few essential words to the other’s trivial questions and so they both felt authorized to close the call rather quickly. While Alex spent the whole night tossing and turning in bed cursing at Miles, trying to forget how sexy he looked in that kimono and how mesmerizing his smile was, Miles found himself staring at the ceiling telling himself how beautiful it had been to see Alex’ face and hear Alex’s voice again and how much he missed him.

Two days later Alex texted Miles asking which flight he preferred to take to go back to LA and Miles decided he was not ready yet to meet him. He needed at least another couple of weeks to bury his feelings for Alex definitely and act with him as he usually did so he informed his friend that he would have taken his mother for a week holiday.  
Alex had been good to pretend he was not extremely sad for the news and complimented Miles for the great idea. Therefore, while Alex was buying a ticket to fly all alone and desperate to LA with no one holding his hand, Miles was buying two tickets for Italy planning to eat in every restaurant he would find on his way hoping that that a full stomach would compensate his empty heart.  
The day before leaving for the USA, though, Alex felt so depressed that he decided he could not face such a long flight alone and informed his parents he would have stayed another week until Miles was back, hoping in some kind of miracle to happen.

 

Matt invited Alex at home for a barbecue with the other monkeys and their families. At the beginning he tried to find an excuse and do not show up but Matt didn’t let him avoid the reunion. As soon as Alex entered the cozy house and looked at the members of the three happy families, he felt like he wanted to die. All his mates were married, had babies and looked happy while he was alone and miserable.

Alex took a deep breath and forced himself do not ruin the atmosphere with his sad face and bad mood and twenty minutes and two beers later, he was finally relaxed and was enjoying the company of his longtime friends. When Jamie and Nick left with their wives and kids, Matt asked Alex to keep him company as Breanna and the little girl went to bed.

“I’m so happy you didn’t cancel, Alex, it was some time we didn’t spend a night like that all together”

“Yes, it’s been great. I needed it. Thanks for inviting me” Alex said sliding an arm around Matt and smiling.

“Fancy another beer?”

“Yes sure” Alex said and he walked out of the door to smoke. Matt reached him on the porch with two cold beers and sit down on the stairs next to him.

“Cheers”

“Cheers”

“So, Alex, what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you since we were kids and I am still your second best friend so I know when something is bothering you”

“I’m just tired. The tour is really exhausting.”

“But you share the stage with Miles so I suppose that you have less work to do and less stress”

“You’re wrong, Matt. Truth is that this tour is really tiring and stressful. None of us expected such a demanding crowd”

“Yes, I admit that you do a lot more beside playing and singing while you’re on stage, it’s really a great show”  


“We took eight years to give the fans a new album and tour so we thought that they deserved a great show and not a simple gig” Alex said with less enthusiasm than Matt expected as he was talking about something that he and Miles had waited to do for years.

“We’re all happy about how good things are going with this puppet record; people are crazy for you and Miles”

“Yes, honestly we didn’t expect such enthusiasm when we started and more dates have been added every week so, I am happy for the band.

They stood in silence for a while, Alex’s mind clearly lost in his thoughts and Matt’s one trying to understand what was bothering Alex. Because he _knew_ that something important was bothering his friend.  
He went through the conversation they had just had few minutes ago; Alex was talking about being happy for how things were going but the tone of his voice and the sad look in his eyes didn’t match with the happy words and feelings. He asked himself if his friend had an argument with Miles but no, it was impossible. Miles was so absorbed by Alex that never let any discussion even start between them. And even if a discussion had popped out, as Miles’ mission in life was please Alex and make him happy no matter what, he would immediately stop it. 

Alex was smoking in silence staring at the stars and at the full moon and Matt was looking at him from the corner of his eyes. He and the other guys had watched dozen of videos about Alex and Miles fooling around on stage during their gigs and they were almost sure of the fact that Miles was in love with Alex. Maybe it had happened something between them. Maybe Miles had told Alex he loved him and something went wrong; it wouldn’t be surprising that Miles’ confession had shocked Alex. One thing was suspecting that someone maybe felt something for you, another thing was your best male friend telling you he was in love with you.

“Is Miles still on holidays with his mom? Matt said trying to set the conversation on Miles.

“Yes, he’ll be there for the rest of week”

“Italy is really a great place for a holiday. Why didn’t you go with him?”

“Well, honestly he didn’t ask and I think he wanted to give his full attention to his mom” Alex said, don’t believing his own words at all.

“Yes, of course, since he doesn’t live in England anymore they do not see each other a lot”

“Yes”

“So when you go back on tour?”

“First date is in ten days; we’re going to leave for Los Angeles the next week. We have fifteen dates already sold out and then we’ll be back in Europe again for a couple of weeks before the TLSP project ends”

Alex said the last words with such a sad tone that Matt felt almost in pain for his friend and he hoped that at some point Alex would be brave enough to tell him what was going on with Miles.

“Hey Alex, Miles is not going to disappear,” the drummer said as he put and arm around Alex’s shoulder pulling the man toward him. “He lives just few blocks away from you and you keep seeing each other almost every day”

“Yes, well I know it’s just…” Alex looked at Matt as if he was going to spit everything out but then he just took another cigarette and lit it, leaving Matt hanging on his words. Alex got up, took few steps away from Matt as he suddenly felt his eyes brimming with tears; Matt left him alone for a while then he decided that Alex needed help and he slowly approached him.

“Alex, is everything okay? You know you can tell me everything,” Matt said trying do not sound too pushy.  


Alex exhaled the smoke and looked down at the ground without saying a word. Matt was even more curious and worried now but he forced himself to stay silent waiting for Alex to speak and finally he did it.

“The fact is that...”

Matt downed his beer not turning his face toward Alex in the attempt to make him feel at ease with whatever he was going to say and in fact, Alex found the courage to go on.

“I don’t know where to start”

“Try from the beginning, Alex. I have all the time you need”

Alex rub his eyes with his free hand and then run it through his hair before speaking again.

“Miles. You said you saw the videos on YouTube”

“Yes. You both looked very happy”

“The fact is that Miles, you know him, right? He’s always so affectionate with words and gestures and he doesn’t bother to show it on stage too”

“And is this bothering you?”

“No, no, I mean, he’s like that. Miles is affectionate in every situation and with almost everybody”

“Are you worried about people saying stupid things about you being gay or things like that? Or are you irritated about the hundreds of fans shipping you as a couple?” Matt intervened showing he was really following their tour and knowing what was going on in their crazy fandom.

“Oh well, Miles never let me read about us so I do not get pissed off with journalists or get embarrassed by fans”

“Miles knows you really well; you’re lucky to have him in your life”

“Yes, I am” Alex said letting a tiny smile appear on his face. Now his eyes were staring into space and his mind was probably recalling the thousands of happy memories he had with Miles and Matt was eager to understand what was tormenting his friend especially because it was obvious that Miles was the reason of his troubles.

“Is it true that there are hundreds of people shipping us as a couple?” Alex asked at some point feeling immediately a bit embarrassed for the question.

“Well of course. Milex is what is called your ship”

“Sounds like the name of a brand of condoms”

“Yes, true,” Matt said laughing as Alex laughed at his own words relieving the strain a bit.

“It’s not that bad as nickname, Miles would like it”

“Well, it’s time you get married like we all did and honestly, you and Miles are a perfect couple,” Matt said amused, hoping that Alex would not feel uneasy for his words. Alex laughed but the smile slowly disappeared and his features become tense again.

“We kissed”

Matt’s eyes and mouth opened simultaneously. He was not surprised at all but hearing it from Alex’s mouth was somehow different. 

“And is this what is bothering you?”

“Well, it’s not that we just exchanged a kiss. We snogged.”

“And what’s the problem? Did you do it because Miles asked you and you didn’t want to disappoint him?”

“At the beginning I was not sure but then…fuck Matt I liked it” he finally said almost whispering the last part.

“I understand that it can be strange that you enjoyed kissing a man given the fact that you are straight but well, the man is Miles. He’s kind of a kindred spirit to you”

“So you are saying that…you don’t find it… gross?”

“No!” Matt replied almost surprised that Alex could think something like that.

“It’s happened the last night in Tokyo. Then Miles behaved as if nothing unusual had happened. To be honest, at the moment, it looks like he’s trying to put as much distance as physically possible between us and he doesn’t even call me but just text me and I do not understand why…he always teased me during the whole tour and he convinced me to kiss him in Tokyo and then ….”

“Well, it sound a bit strange from Miles”

“I don’t know what to think”

“But…how do you feel, Alex? I mean, do you really feel something for Miles?”

“I... I don’t know. Well, honestly, yes, I think I feel something for him. And I thought that Miles would be happy I finally let myself go; I was sure that it was that what he wanted but…he seems he regretted it or maybe he didn’t like it as he thought”

“Well it seems impossible to me that he didn’t like it. I always thought Miles was in love with you”

“Really?”

“Yes”

“Believe me, he’s not behaving like that. Fuck, Matt, I think… I think I disappointed him, I am sure of it.”  
“No Alex, what the hell are you saying?”

“Yes, I am sure of it. Probably I do not remember but I’ve said or done something that…”

“Stop it Alex, you’re babbling nonsense. Maybe Miles feels a bit uneasy, I don’t know. Maybe he still doesn’t believe what has happened and doesn’t know what to do. You should talk about this, mate”

“Yes, I know but, fuck it’s embarrassing”

“Hey, he is Miles! You never had problem talking about embarrassing things with him”

“Yes, you’re right. We need to talk” Alex said trying his best to reassure Matt that everything would be okay but the awful truth was that he was scared to hell to even start such a conversation with Miles as he felt that they had lost any connection. 

 

Three days after the barbecue, Alex arrived at Matt’s house dead drunk. When Matt opened the door and faced Alex drunk and crying, he realized that the problem with Miles had become worse.

“Sorry Matt I couldn’t go home like that” Alex said almost slurring his words. His clothes were dirty, his hair was a mess and there was a scar on his cheek. He had probably been involved in some quarrel at the pub giving the fact he had drunk too much.

“What the hell has happened to you? You look like a ….never mind, come in” 

Matt closed the door behind Alex and ushered him into the sitting room.

“What the hell Alex. Was it really necessary to drink that much?” Matt said quietly not wanting to alarm his wife and awake his baby girl.

“Yes, it was necessary in order to forget that dickhead” Alex said as Matt was now dragging him toward the spare bedroom.

“Lower your voice, Alex”

“I’m sorry I came here but my heart is broken and I have no one else to turn to”

“It’s okay Al, you can stay here. You did the right thing coming here”

“Thanks”

“What the hell did happen to you?”

“I am so in love and he just... used me and then ignored me. That bastard...I hate him”

“Miles?” Matt asked even if he was sure that Alex wasn't able to answer properly to any question.

“He got what he wanted and now he doesn’t care about me anymore” Alex whined making Matt staring at him dumbfounded.

“Alex calm down now, you need to sleep. You will explain me what has happened tomorrow morning”  


“I don’t want to sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see him and I can’t…” Alex began to sob and Matt got seriously worried.

“Alex, mate! What’s going on? Calm down!”

“He made love to me and now he acts like nothing happened and …I feel like shit”

“He…he did what?” Matt asked hesitantly in a low tone of voice.

“He made love to me. He fucked me. He put his dick up into my ass. Did you get it now?”

Matt was a bit shocked. Not for what had happened because honestly, it was something it had to happen sooner or later; what shocked him was Miles’ behavior. He couldn’t believe it.

“He was supposed to come back yesterday but no, he decided to stay another week in Italy because probably the bastard had not finished shagging all the women, men or whatever is breathing around him.”

“Alex calm down. I think you’re too much pissed to reason about it. Come on, Miles is there with his mother!”

“Do you think I am so stupid to believe he’s sleeping with his mother right now?”

“Alex, you need to sleep now, we talk tomorrow” Matt said and he forced Alex to lay down on the bed.

Alex laid down on his side between sobs and Matt sat on the mattress next to him; his hand caressed his back trying to comfort him and he didn’t leave the room until Alex stopped crying and fell asleep.

 

The morning after Matt knocked at Alex’s door and he was surprised to found him already awake.

“Hi Matt” Alex said, a towel around his waist, another one in his hands brushing his damp hair.

“Hangover?” Matt asked acting as nothing has happened.

“Yes. Sorry for yesterday, I didn’t want to go to my parents’ home like that”

“Don’t worry mate. I thought you need some clothes so, here they are”

“Thank you” 

Alex began to put the clothes on and Matt was not sure if they had to speak about what had happened, but hey, Alex was his best friend so he needed to understand what was going on with Miles and do the best he could to help him.

“Alex, yesterday you told me some things about you and Miles”

“You’re thinking it’s disgusting, right?” Alex said nervously.

“No Al, what the hell do you say? I don’t mind if you and Miles are gay and have sex together”

“I am not gay,” Alex blurt out annoyed.

“Well Alex, you kissed and had sex with another man so you are gay for him or at least bisex”

“But I've never wanted to kiss or have sex with a man; it’s happened only with Miles” Alex hurried to specify even if Matt had no problem with them being gay or whatever they were.

“Okay let’s say you've temporarily turned gay for Miles if it make you feel better” 

“Lower your voice, mate. And please do not tell anyone what I told you”

“I didn’t understand exactly what has happened between you but I am sure there’s an explanation because, come on, Miles loves you”

“No, Matt, I am the only one here who stupidly fell in love. He just wanted to fuck me and after he got what he wanted, he run away. Come on, we watched him doing that a lot of times with birds so…”

“Alex this is ridiculous. Maybe he’s just confused for what happened. I mean he had always dated girls and then you…you slept together and as you are denying to be gay...maybe he’s having problem accepting being gay too” Matt said even if he knew that Miles didn’t give a shit about being in love with a man as soon as the man was Alex. And honestly, Miles was also the kind of guy who didn’t give a shit what people thought about him or his sexuality. 

“Don’t talk nonsense Matt. He doesn’t give a fuck if he is gay or not and for the records, it was not his first time with a man. He had already done it God knows how many times… he knew exactly what to do and believe me, that fucking bastard has been very good” Alex said extremely angry, looking on the verge of bursting into tears any minute. Matt kept looking at Alex getting dressed and couldn’t believe Alex’s words at all. The idea of Miles spending the past twelve years of his life next to Alex being his friend, his confident, his anchor when he was drowning and lose such a beautiful and perfect friendship just for a fuck was ridiculous. Undoubtedly Miles never aimed for serious relationships in his life and liked to have fun with every bird he could but ...

“I have to go now. Thanks again for tonight” Alex said and walked toward the door.

Matt decided he had to face Miles and listen to what he had to say because he really needed to understand which problem he had with Alex. He informed Breanna they would have dinner in Italy tonight and she happily hurried to pack.


	4. Chapter 4

Six hours later Matt and his wife arrived in Italy. Matt had called Miles before leaving Sheffield, telling him that they were in Italy and it would be nice to meet for a couple of days. Miles didn’t find the thing suspicious and so he gave him the name of the hotel offering him to reserve a room.

Matt and Breanna arrived in the late afternoon; Matt had spotted Miles sitting alone at the bar so he told his wife to go and take the key of their room without waiting for him. Matt greeted Miles and they walked outside in a quiet and deserted area of the big garden having a natter before Matt decided to cut the chase.

“Alex came to my home at three in the morning completely drunk, crying and looking like a wreck”

“Wh-what? Why?”

“You should know why, Miles”

“I don’t know what are you talking about” Miles said firmly and Matt was taken aback form the dismissive and harsh tone. Matt’s expression darkened at the thought that Miles maybe had just used Alex and he didn’t bother to conceal his angriness to him when he spoke. 

“You’re an asshole, Miles”

“Thank you”

Miles turned and began to walk toward the bar when he heard Matt yelling at him.

“Why did you shag him and then ignored him?”

“Lower your voice, mate,” Miles said stopping and turning toward Matt.

Matt’s eyes were looking at Miles a bit menacingly now as Miles was acting as if there was not a serious problem going on between Alex and him.

“Answer me, Miles. I know you were not drunk and you knew exactly what you were doing that night in Tokyo so, please, give me a valid reason why you had fucked him and then walked away as you are used to do with all the women you took to your bed every other day. He’s your best friend for God’s sake”

Matt was staring into Miles’ eyes and suddenly he noticed that the sassy look disappeared from Miles’ features.

“Don’t you really get it, Matt?” 

Miles was holding Matt’s stare, trying to keep the tears form falling down from his eyes. Even if he looked like a tough guy, he had a fragile heart when it came to Alex. Matt was surprised of what was happening to the man in front of him; the self-confident, sassy man looked so fragile and on the verge of crying like a baby any moment now.

“I had to stay away from him because….it hurt too much.” Miles said in a low voice. “And it still hurts. I don’t know how to go on. I don’t know what to do, Matt. We’re supposed to go back on tour and I don’t know… it’s gonna be a disaster. I can’t recover from what has happened, Matt. It hurts like a bitch.”

“Miles, wh-what do you mean?”

“Do you remember when we were young and we went to Paris for the first record together? Well, I kissed him and I told him I was feeling something serious for him and he told me he didn’t have any romantic feelings for me and he would never have. I respected his decision because the only thing that mattered was Alex being happy and being my best friend and it had been quite easy to do it at that time but now….I can’t forget what has happened in Tokyo. I am keeping him at distance because I need some time alone to find the strength to lock definitively that precious memory in a remote site of my mind, go on with my life and being just his best friend as he had always wanted.”

“So you are still in love with Alex …”

“Of course I love Alex, for fuck’s sake! I love with him with each cell of my body, heart and mind almost since the day we met. I can’t love anything or anybody more than I love Alex. I would die for him if necessary so do not make me look like an animal who fucked him and then forget what he had done” Miles said before falling on his knees and bringing his hands to his face sobbing loudly.

Matt’s dismay when he realized his mistake was evident. He had spent the past hours simmering about the fact that Miles was just was a greedy selfish man who had fun with Alex but now he realized that he was just a stupid man in love acting like an idiot.

“Miles” Matt said kneeling down next to him.

“Alex loves you. And given the fact you love him… you can stay together now. He’s not a scared teenager anymore; he accepted his feelings for you” 

Miles didn’t answer. The words made him cry even more than he was already doing and Matt cursed himself even if he was barely able to understand the drama that was going on. Matt hugged Miles and let the man calm down a little; when the sobs subsided, Matt let Miles go and the man got up and walked to the restroom. Miles splashed some cold water on his face, then he took a deep breath and walked back to Matt. 

“Miles…”

Matt didn’t know what to say, honestly. He had told him that Alex loved him and that they could finally be happy together because in Tokyo he realized he’s was love too but Miles had looked at him as if he was talking bullshit. 

“Alex thinks to be in love with me but it’s not true, Matt”

“Why do you say this?”

“I told him _I love you_ a lot of times that night, before, while and after we made love and you know what he said all the fucking time? _Oh God, Oh Miles, yes Miles, fuck Miles_. I didn’t expect him to say _I love you Miles_ but at least he could have said _me too_ when I’ve told him. It’s clear he still thinks the same thing of twelve years ago. We just kissed at the time and what happened in Tokyo had been just the updated version of what had happened in Paris, nothing more”

“But he told me he loves you”

“His feelings are too volatile to be love. He thinks to be in love with me just because he doesn’t have a girlfriend now but what’s going to happen as soon as he meets a girl he likes? Come on Matt, you know Alex. He will never admit to be gay or bi or whatever. Even if he wanted to kiss me hundreds of times during all these years, he never did it. And he never had the courage to look at me that night, never! He kept his eyes closed all the fucking time”

“But he’s not straight Miles. He let you kiss him and make love to him. I am straight and I wouldn’t let any man kiss me or doing something else to me”

“Let’s talk about his relationships. He never stayed alone too much and he always wanted me to become a good friend of all his girlfriends, going out with them, taking picture with them; always constantly reminding me that he was straight and that I could be only a friend, not his lover”

“It’s madness! He knows he is not straight”

“Yes but he _wants_ to be straight because he has a reputation to uphold so whatever he feels now I know that it won’t last. Soon he’s going to find some girl and leave me, and I am sorry but I cannot bear this. I prefer we stay friends and spend the rest of my life with him as friend rather than having him as boyfriend for a couple of months and then suffer until the day I die”

Matt had to recognize that Miles’ words were not without foundation. He knew Alex since they were child and yes, it would be really a big step for him to let everybody know he was in love with a man. 

“I always showed him more love than I ever got back and it’s not gonna change and even if it hurts when I think about it, it’s alright with me. I just need some more time to get used to it”

Miles gained control of his emotions and walked toward his mom leaving Matt alone. Matt took his phone and called Alex.

“You, idiot!” Matt yelled and Alex startled as he answered the call.

“Hi Matt” Alex replied annoyed.

“Are you really in love with Miles?”

“I just want to forget everything as soon as possible. I am leaving for LA in few hours”

“You idiot, that’s not the right answer to my question” Matt said irritated.

“Can you quit calling me idiot, please?”

“No because I could say something more offensive,” Matt said getting even more irritated now.

“Listen Matt I am a bit busy packing so ….”

“Shut up, idiot, and listen to me. I just had a talk with Miles. That man is suffering for you since twelve years and ten minutes ago he burst into tears and fell to his knees because of you, idiot”

“Wh-what are you saying? Miles is here? In Sheffield?”

“No I am in Italy and it’s better you run immediately to the airport and put your ass on the first flight you find if you are really in love with Miles”

Alex was silent because of the shock that Matt’s words caused him and the drummer hoped he was not having a heart attack.

“Alex? Are you still there? If you are sure to be in love with Miles, come here immediately and do your best to convince him that it’s not like Paris. Find the right words to convince him that you’re gonna love him forever and ever and not because you don’t have a girlfriend now. Admit to yourself and in front of him you are not straight and pray he believes your words”

“Why are you talking about Paris…what did he tell you?”

“I know he told you that he loved you at least four times that night in Tokyo and you didn’t say anything similar to him so he thought you wanted things end like in Paris…enjoying the moment and then forgetting it. Only, this time, he realized immediately that it was more difficult to forget what had happened because it wasn’t just a kiss. He needed to stay away from you to get his shit together before the tour started again”

“So he still loves me?”

“He loves you since the day he met you, idiot.”

Alex didn’t say a word but Matt could feel the sobs and could see Alex wiping the tears running down on his face. It was hard for Alex to admit that he had always kept Miles at distance even if most of the time he wanted him close to him. It was hard to admit he was in love with his best friend but spent ten years in fake relationships because he was scared of what people could think. It was hard to admit it was time to stop to deny the truth to himself and to everyone else.

“Alex?”

“I’m going to the airport. Send me the address of the hotel. I write you as soon as I am boarding”

“I take care of your boyfriend. He’s very upset. I try to put him in a good mood for you but I warn you, Alexander, you won’t have another chance so do not screw it up, okay?”

“Okay”

Alex called a taxi and gathered what he needed for the flight, informing his parents of the sudden change of plans

“Mom, dad I’m going to Italy.”

“Are you reaching Miles?”

“Yes. I miss him.”

“Well, I noticed you were not happy without him around” Penny said.

Alex paused trying to find the courage to spit it out. He had to convince Miles that he was really in love with him so it was better to start acting bravely and tell the truth to his parents first.

“Well, Miles and I…we’re not just friends”

Alex’s parents looked at him a bit surprised and were staring at him waiting for the next words coming out of his mouth.

“Miles loves me and I love him and I hope this is not a problem for you because it has been a problem for me for lots of years but I decided that I want to be happy and…” Alex voice was trembling; he was visibly nervous and overwhelmed by emotions so Penny approached him and hugged him tight.

“Alex, if Miles makes you happy we have no reason to disagree with you or your choice”

Alex was crying now and Alex father’s was joining them into the embrace.

“I just hope it’s not too late. I kept him away from me for so long and …” Alex was interrupted by the doorbell. The cab was waiting for him.

“Go and do your best to solve it, then. We love you and we love Miles too”

Alex rushed into the taxi and checked the flights on his way to the airport. Luckily, there was a flight in two hours so he would be able to leave soon. 

 

It was already midnight when Alex arrived at the hotel and he texted to Matt.

From Alex: I’m here where are you?

From Matt: we’re coming back, wait in the hall.

Alex was nervous as hell. He repeated to himself the speech he had prepared but he knew he wouldn’t be able to repeat it as he wanted. He would begin to stutter and forget something important and Miles would think he was not sure of his words or that he was changing idea while he was speaking and everything would end badly. He took several deep breaths but he couldn’t manage to stop his heart beating fast and his hands sweating in a disgusting way so he decided to close his eyes trying to relax and when he opened them, Miles was standing in front of him.

“Alex?” Miles called in a surprised tone of voice. He had not expected to see him, especially here.

Alex looked at him with a blank face and then sprang out form the couch and hugged him. Miles embraced him but parted rather quickly and looked at him almost annoyed.

“What are you doing here?”

“I needed to see you. And talk to you” Alex managed to say, his voice trembling, his eyes looking at Miles full of concern.

“I think there’s nothing urgent to talk about, Alex. You could have waited for me to come back. I am on holiday with my mom”

Alex was looking at Miles confused. He didn’t understand why he was making things difficult and he was trying hard to fight back the tears not wanting to cry while speaking. 

“I am sorry I came here but what I have to say it’s very important”

Miles knew he had been harsh and his heart broke when he looked at Alex trying desperately do not cry so he decided to give Alex the chance to speak.

“Okay. Let’s have a walk outside” Miles said and Alex followed him. It was a good thing that they were going for a walk so Miles would be next to him and it would be more easy for him to say what he had to say without having to confront him looking directly into his eyes. 

“Miles, what happened in Tokyo….yes maybe I was not sure at the beginning but I liked it. I… I loved it to be honest”

“Well, I am happy you didn’t do it just to do me a favor” Miles said as he kept walking beside him. The declaration should have brought joy to Miles but he knew he couldn’t get happy for something that he was sure it didn’t exist.

“Miles I wanna tell you that even if I kept you at distance during all these years…you don't know how many times I would have wanted to tell you that… but it seemed something so complicated being together and I preferred to give up but my life is not …you are the only one who really knows me and understands me and I think …I am sorry I’ve spent so much time avoi-”

Miles stopped walking and caught Alex by his arm stopping him and making him turn to face him.

“Stop babbling, Alex. In this moment I don’t need your explanations and I don’t need apologizes; I just wanna hear the fucking truth coming out of your mouth.” 

Alex held Miles’ gaze and swallowed audibly before speaking.

“I am not straight, Miles. No woman ever made me feel like you make me feel when we are together and I am in deeply in love with you,” Alex said, meaning every word.

Miles’ eyes become teary and a smile finally appeared on his face and Alex didn’t have the time to smile him back because Miles’ lips were already on his. They were kissing in the street and Alex didn’t give a fuck. Yes, it was late at night and the street was desert, but for Alex, kissing Miles outside a hotel even if nobody was watching, was something absolutely scaring until five minutes ago. Alex took the fact as proof that he was doing the right thing and when Miles looked like if he was going to break the kiss, Alex kept him in place placing his hands behind Miles’ nape. Miles appreciated the gesture and smiled into the kiss, going on kissing Alex in a very sweet way. At some point they parted and Miles pressed their foreheads together.

“Maybe is better we go back to the hotel, Al” Miles said giving his boyfriend a wink and Alex nodded smiling happily.

 

“Fuck!” Alex muttered under his breath as Miles was slowly pushing inside him. Miles’s finger had prepared Alex for the invasion but the urge of being together and being one, had made Alex say that he was ready even if he wasn’t when Miles had withdrawn his fingers to replace them with his cock.

“You want me to stop?” Miles asked a bit concerned as he was halfway in, his eyes searching for Alex’s ones. Alex was tight around him and he was worried he could hurt him. Alex put his hands on Miles neck and pulled him for a kiss as he waited to feel a bit better and Miles he couldn’t help but think he was blessed that they were making love again and, most of all, that they were going to do this forever. Miles placed gentles kisses on Alex’s neck and jaw before meeting his lips again; Miles’ mouth was hot and demanding but the kiss was sweet and tender and Alex melt into it. At some point Miles felt Alex rocking his hips against him, making him slide fully into him and so Miles began to move finding a steady pace.

“Miles” Alex moaned almost breathless as he hit the sweet spot inside of him. Miles lifted his head from Alex’s neck to search for his gaze.

“I love you Miles” Alex said, tears of happiness forming at the corners of his eyes. Miles smiled and he felt his eyes watering but he managed to keep control of his emotions and told Alex he loved him too. Alex’s moans and his ragged breath where filling the room and Miles didn’t want the whole thing to finish soon. He felt his heart ready to burst for happiness as Alex kept holding his gaze, smiling at him as he moved slowly, trying to make it last as long as he could.

“I am so happy, Alex. My life is completed now” Miles said and leaned toward Alex to kiss him. Alex interlaced his legs around Miles’ back causing the man slide in even deeper if possible.

“I feel guilty for the years we have lost, but I promise you that I-”

“Shhh…we are together now, and we’ll always be” Miles said leaning forward to kiss Alex.

“I am yours,” Alex whispered as he broke the kiss. “You are mine and I am yours” he went on before searching for the other’s lips.

Miles wanted this moment to go on forever but given how Alex was clenching around him, he was not able to hold back anymore. Their breaths became even more ragged and Alex was moaning with every thrust and it didn’t take too long before the two men cried out each other’s names,declaring their love as they came almost together.

 

“Miles, promise me I won’t ever wake up without you by my side because that morning… it has been horrible” Alex said panting, still recovering from the aftershock of their lovemaking.

“Only if you promise me that you won’t ever make me fall asleep without you by my side” Miles replied giving him a kiss on the top of his nose.

“It’s deal”

 

Alex and Miles kept the promises made in that hotel room; they both stopped to feel unfulfilled and they finally felt that their lives were complete.


End file.
